Alex (yakshaver) wrote,

stir crazy

Two weeks in the not-a-cast today, and I'm going batty. It's ostensibly a walking cast, but when I walk in it, I sometimes feel the weird sensation that got me to the doctor in the first place, which is apparently my achilles tendon abrading the sheath around it. Since the idea is to make that go away, I'm reluctant to walk more than absolutely necessary. I got out of the house for New Years, but took cabs or got rides almost everywhere.

I find the fact that I feel that sensation even with the severely limited motion my ankle can make within the cast really worrying. I've felt better the past few months than any time in years, and I'm terrified of losing my mobility now I've just begun to enjoy it.

On top of that, I'm sure I've gained weight the past couple of weeks. Eating is my response to stress, and with no exercise to burn it off, I'm sure I'm backsliding. But I can't get an accurate weight in the cast so I don't know how badly.

Wednesday I couldn't even be bothered to write down what I ate, which I've done religiously since June, even when I slipped and ate crap. Then to top it off I snapped at a friend in email. I don't do that. My father always took out his frustrations on the people around him. I don't.

I'm going to start trying to journal every day, even if it's just stupid angsty shit like this. I tend not to journal when I'm down; not journaling leaves me more socially isolated, which leaves me feeling even more down. So what the hell, I'll try writing even when I feel like crap and see if it helps.
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